Hugh woke up in a bad mood. That happens for him maybe once a year.

We sat on the couch talking over all the things he was feeling stressed out about. As he talked, I started to move from “loving/listening wife” to “defensive/angry wife”. I thought about all of the things I wanted to tell him. Angry retorts were on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to start listing off things that I, too, was stressed out about.

I was literally about to open my mouth and start yelling when I had this little thought float through the back of my foggy brain:

“If I yell at Hugh, I am not going to be as close to God today. When I pray, I will have to spend a lot of time repenting for my attitude instead of diving right into the Word.”

Huh.

I really love my husband, but I love Jesus more. I figured that it wasn’t worth it. One minute of indulging my flesh wasn’t worth separating me even an inch from the Presence of God today. I need Him too much. I am too desperate for Him right now.

I took a deep breath. I prayed for God’s strength. I finished listening to Hugh. Then I made up a cup of coffee and grabbed my Bible and headed to my prayer chair.

And my time with Him was really sweet this morning. His Word spoke to me and I read Romans 8 out loud and I prayed for our Bible study tonight and…it was good.

Woo hoo! “The mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life (woo hoo!) and peace (woo hoo! )….”

Lord, yeah! Thank you for helping me have some small measure of control this morning! I love you so much. Amen.

“…God meets every real sacrifice of every child of His. We surrender all and accept poverty; and He sends wealth.  We renounce a rich field of service; He sends us a richer one than we had dared to dream of.  We give up all our cherished hopes, and die unto self; He sends us the life more abundant, and tingling joy.  And the crown of it all is our Jesus Christ.”

-C.G. Trumbull

A year ago, God told me to stop cleaning my house. I struggled so deeply with controlling my home environment and I knew the Lord was asking me to give it up completely. For me, cleaning is not a scrubbed bathroom or swept floors - it is a deep organization that penetrates every part of my home. Labeled bins, a few select toys (the rest given to Goodwill  when my in-laws left a pile of new things for my eager children), and zero clutter - it was the only way I could feel relaxed.

It was an obsession for me. I would reorganize my children’s closets every four weeks, allowing them only a few outfits each - exactly what they needed but no more. I didn’t want anything extra. My greatest thrill was to open our closets and see everything lined up perfectly.

I would spend my evenings “tidying” - ignoring Hugh until everything was put away. I couldn’t leave the house until everything was put away. I would start to feel lightheaded and anxious if too many things were out on the counters.

God had been gently speaking to me about this for years. Years. I would ignore His voice each time I stayed up late to clean, knowing it meant a tired Mommy day tomorrow. Finally, He spoke so clearly that I knew I had to give up having a clean and organized house.

That may sound really strange. But that is what God led me to do - to refocus on my family and to give up control of my house. I guess it’s one of the things I love most about the Holy Spirit - how individual and personal He is - calling me to specifically do something that He may not ask most people to do.

Once I let go of controlling my house, I realized that I had so much more time in my day to spend with my family. Instead of cleaning my children’s room several times a day, I cleaned them up once every few weeks and the rest of the time was spent enjoying my kids. Also, my husband was so much more relaxed - he could put down his work papers without me coming over and throwing them in. the. trash. because. they. messed. up. my. counters. AHHH!

But here is the really wonderful thing about my Jesus. Nine days ago, my in-laws took my children to their farm. My kids have been picking cherries, playing with the barn animals, and staying up late - having a wonderful time. During this time, Hugh and I decided to do some projects around our house. We have painted, decorated several rooms, and cleaned out every room. All of these things are things we have not had the time to do in almost seven years of being in our house.

My house has never been so clean, well-decorated, or as organized. Ever. I never thought it would look this nice - I thought that having a beautiful home was something I had to surrender permanently to God, without looking back.

I did put my desire for beauty and organization on the altar - but God worked out this whole amazing plan and now my house looks better than it has ever looked! New paint! A new office for me! New children’s rooms!

I feel like Jesus wrapped up this nine days and this project and handed it to me as a gift. And, it may seem like a small thing - but He alone knows how much it means to me that my house is organized and pretty and that I am ready for the new school year.

Everything I give to Him, He restores - every single time. Even these little details are important to Him. He is such a good Father to me.

Thank you, God, for my home. I am so grateful for a house and a family and, most of all, my relationship with you. You have been with me when I had nothing, God - my beautifully organized home is just nice icing. But, today, Lord, thanks for the icing! I love you so much, Jesus. Amen.