The Missing
This morning I wake up early. Harley barks to go outside and Pippin the Cat runs out when I open the door. I stand shivering in the cold dark.
The pets distract me for a few minutes on this day. The Missing does not immediately fill my mind. The Missing usually starts when my children begin barreling through the house.
They throw brown bag lunches carelessly into Lands End backpacks, stuff in cheap recorders, hopefully remember overdue library books (my daughter is rereading The Encyclopedia of a Cat for the third time), and then rush to the minivan.
Most days I try not to watch my husband back hurriedly out of our driveway. He takes them to school because of the Missing. He loves me that much.
I wander back to my bedroom, hoping the Missing wont dictate my day. I try not to immediately check my email. I wonder, “Will she write me back today?” I’ve asked my old boss if I could substitute at the school. I sent the email last week. I’ve heard nothing.
I get it, I guess. Leaving last year because of my failing health didn’t exactly endear me to my administration.
But I want to tell her that I am better. And, most importantly, I want to tell her about the Missing.
I Miss my students every day. Not Teaching is an ache. It is my lonely mountain. No one understands the depth of this Missing.
Caleb, Christian, Monica, Mark, Brooke.
Matt, Josh, Chloe, Zing, Sarah.
The names of my favorites (we all have them, Teachers. Don’t lie.) fill my head almost daily. The faces of my kids leave my chest tight and I wish…
I wish I could sit with them again. I want to know how they are – not just from their cryptic Facebook posts. The statuses where they try to be funny or post angst-filled pictures. I want to know how their hearts are doing as they finish navigating High School.
Stephen King says in On Writing that “I don’t believe writers are made, either by self-will or by circumstance (although I did believe those things once). The equipment comes with the original package.”
I believe the same thing about teachers.
We can be molded. We can become better. But Teaching Equipment comes with the original package.
So today this teacher is sitting at home filled with the Missing. I will try not to check my email a lot. I’ll write another post. I’ll read a book.
I’ll dream about a day when I stand in front of my kids again and say, “Hey, guys, I’m Mrs. Hopper. We are going to have a great year…”
I love you. Today I pray that He will meet you in the missing……
Isaiah 35:1-10 ESV
The wilderness and the dry land shall be glad;
the desert shall rejoice and blossom like the crocus;
it shall blossom abundantly
and rejoice with joy and singing.
The glory of Lebanon shall be given to it,
the majesty of Carmel and Sharon.
They shall see the glory of the Lord,
the majesty of our God.
Strengthen the weak hands,
and make firm the feeble knees.
Say to those who have an anxious heart,
“Be strong; fear not!
Behold, your God
will come with vengeance,
with the recompense of God.
He will come and save you.”
Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened,
and the ears of the deaf unstopped;
then shall the lame man leap like a deer,
and the tongue of the mute sing for joy.
For waters break forth in the wilderness,
and streams in the desert;
the burning sand shall become a pool,
and the thirsty ground springs of water;
in the haunt of jackals, where they lie down,
the grass shall become reeds and rushes.
And a highway shall be there,
and it shall be called the Way of Holiness;
the unclean shall not pass over it.
It shall belong to those who walk on the way;
even if they are fools, they shall not go astray.
No lion shall be there,
nor shall any ravenous beast come up on it;
they shall not be found there,
but the redeemed shall walk there.
And the ransomed of the Lord shall return
and come to Zion with singing;
everlasting joy shall be upon their heads;
they shall obtain gladness and joy,
and sorrow and sighing shall flee away.
May the Redeemer God who turns mourning into dancing transform Missing into Fulfillment.
I love Hugh dahling even more for this!
I know that this probably isn’t what you intended for this post, but it got me thinking about the things that I am not missing and trying to really appreciate what is in front of me right now. I still miss a lot of people, opportunities, and events, and I am sure that I dwell on those things all too often. But, I had to stop and focus on what God has given me for this moment. I can’t even imagine a better right now. Right now is what I can handle.