listen…
Alley is worried about me. Though she’s Hugh’s cousin, she is more than that to me – she is one of my closest friends. I don’t have as many friends lately – being home from work, physical pain, and my recent depression…those things yell at me to stop talking.
Isolation. Doubt. Two of my oldest enemies. Those enemies keep me quiet, afraid to talk to anyone.
I’ll talk to Alley. And Amanda. And – now – I’m talking to you, too.
You may judge my depression, my career choices, or my questionings about Jesus and His goodness. I used to get emails from strangers telling me I was not honoring God because I was so honest on my blog.
Those emails worry Alley. She doesn’t want me to get hurt again.
But I have to start shedding the fear I’ve been living in for a long time…That I’m not okay….I can’t be real….I’ll just be quiet.
I am done being quiet.
So…now…I’M WRITING AGAIN!!!!! It feels SO good.
I’m going to write about the good days and the pain-filled days. The days when my MIL buys me a cake and the days when I want to throw the cake at her head! 
The days when I’m close to God…and when I’m not.
All of it.
Writing used to be one of my greatest sources of joy. But – like a lot of things – I had to give it up in the last two years.
Now I’m picking up my netbook and pounding out rusty posts. They’ll get better, I promise. Please stick around and listen.
Hopefully my journey encourages at least one person. That’s enough for me right now.
I am THRILLED that you are writing again. First of all, because I really, truly want to know how you are doing. I want to “listen” to your vents on bad days and offer virtual hugs and coffee and prayers (okay, prayers aren’t virtual, but you know what I mean). And I want to rejoice with you on the good days.
Second, I want to read your words. You challenge, inspire, make me smile, bring me to tears, and otherwise show me grace in ways I never would have seen. You have SUCH an amazing gift.
Third, despite what the naysayers say, we need more authenticity, not less. Although I’m happy to smack someone for you if they get ugly.
Love you.
Jess, I’m glad you are writing again too. And I could echo everything else Karen said. But perhaps in the spirit of openness, I should admit that I have a Word file titled ‘Jessreading’ containing things you’ve written that I want to read and re-read. Yes, I probably just admitted to some kind of copywrite infringement. I promise I don’t re-publish…I’m not a blogger. And if you are curious…the very first post that got me was your ‘Target. or Psalm 107?’ post in early 2008. You wrote a LOT of good stuff in that post but you wrote this to sum it up:
“This is my life with Him. It’s not characterized by days of singing out memorized scripture and perfection. Instead, it’s a faith worked out in the mud of my everyday life and struggles. But in the middle of it all, I find Him so faithful to me. His Presence so sweet. And I will “give thanks to the Lord for His faithful love and His wonderful works” (verse 21).”
These and many more of your words continue to bring me refreshing spiritual rain. You have a gift of putting your heart on paper (your real heart). Of course it will bring the enemy knocking on your door…the last thing he wants is widespread spiritual rain. So I will pray for you as you begin writing again. I know it will be healing for you but, perhaps, frightening at the same time. I know it will be a blessing for those of us who read and ‘listen.’
Thanks for picking up your pen, ummm netbook, again.
So happy to find you writing again…I have missed you and your honesty….praying for you…love you!
I am so glad you are writing again. Your honesty is the best part because the rest of us know we are not alone in our struggles.
I’ve spent a week walking past the computer, trying to figure out how to write about some really difficult news we got last week. I need to write about it and get it out, but for some reason I think writing makes it more real to me.
Sometimes I guess you just have to start typing, huh? I’m glad I happened to click over today and see you are back. I’ll keep checking in. Love and prayers!
Oh, Jess, I’m so happy to see you are writing again! I haven’t kept up much with reading blogs lately, but I was sad you were quiet. Even in the midst of your darkness, I just love everything you have to say. Because the truth is, we all have those dark times, but are far too often afraid to admit it. But you know what? David shared some of his very darkest times, so let your naysayers complain to God about that. You are an amazing woman of God, even at your weakest. Good to have you back!
Yes to your words and to the words in the comments.
You keep writing!!! It’s who you are … that is obvious!
Hi Jess,
I cannot tell you how much I missed you when you were not writing. I so much enjoy and cannot wait to read what you are saying. I thank you so much for having the courage to be true and transparent. Reading thru your blog allows me to not only pray for you and your family but to also know I have a Sister in Christ with many of the same struggles.
Thank you so much for coming back. I’ve missed you.
patty