Eight Months Ago Today
Eight months ago today, my father-in-law drove ten hours to spend the weekend with us. He told his friends that “I just need to get some hugs from those babies”. David hugged our children, read Curious George to Lucy, and spent hours helping my son finish a school project.
Eight months does not seem possible. It was yesterday that he was here with us, alive. I still miss him.
There is an acceptable grieving time. I talked about my grief for the first month. People understood. They brought us meals. We got cards in the mail. I met friends for coffee to talk about the pain.
That is over. Now I feel awkward and embarrassed to talk about my grief. It’s been too long. I shouldn’t be sad.
But I am sad.
Hugh and I cried for a few hours yesterday. Hugh sat on the couch and his eyes got all red and his shoulders shook. I sat on the floor and touched his cold foot, missing and crying next to him.
The grief still effects our relationship with Hugh’s mom. She’s visiting this weekend and I don’t know how to be around her anymore. She’s messier now. I vacillate between wanting to wrap my arms around her and punch her in the nose.
Eight months. Eight days. Eight seconds ago David was in our living room.
Tonight I’m remembering.
Grief has no timeline. You do what you need to do. Grieve, cry, shout, throw casseroles, give hugs. Whatever you need to do. There will always be those good days and those bad days. You know where there is a shoulder to cry on anytime you need it. It is here, dry and waiting for you.
I agree with Rainbow Brite. It’s never too late to grieve. I lost my daddy almost 3 years ago now and I still have my moments. It’s normal to have those moments. It’s when it becomes your all consuming life that it becomes an issue. Allow yourself and your husband moments to remember. Reach out to friends to cray on their shoulders – friends will completely understand. Take moments to laugh too – remember to relive the happy moments too.
oh jess, i don’t know what to say… but please know that i am praying for you. Take as long as you need to feel better, everyone is different. Do not let anyone tell you “grieving time” is over. Its ok to be upset, its ok to hurt. In fact, its normal too.
grief only has a timeline for the person who is not grieving. don’t let anyone but Jesus tell you how to feel. idk if you have the resources for it or an appropriate place, but maybe your mom-in-law might enjoy a spa visit with you and the girls? grief can make people messier- they feel so awful in their grief, they forget what feeling good about themselves is even like. i love that story every time you tell it- about your father-in-law driving that far just for the weekend.
How could you not miss him? The question is, are you functioning? If you are grief filled but functioning, then I think it’s okay. If you are grief filled and unable to do what needs to be done, then it’s time for outside help.
I am so sorry for your loss!
Jess,
I’m sorry for your loss. He sounded like a great father. And don’t apologize for grieving. My mom’s 5th anniversary was on Monday. My siblings and I were at my Dad’s over the weekend and it was unspoken but we were all sad. We still miss her presence. (((HUGS)))
i can relate… to well. *hugs*
Eight days…eight months…eight years…there is no statute of limitations on grief, hon. When you love much, you also grieve much when that person is gone. What a wonderful man David was to be so deeply missed by so many. Lean on Jesus, lean on Hugh and be leaned on by him, but let the grief run its own course in its own time. Many, many hugs and prayers. Love you, girl.