Sort Of

“If his gift is a burnt offering from the herd, he is to bring an unblemished male…”

I wonder if Gram is going to make bacon for us this morning when we go over for breakfast…

“The sons of Aaron the priest will prepare a fire on the altar and arrange wood on the fire.”

Hmmm…Kelly’s haircut looked cute at church yesterday. Should I cut my hair?

“The priests will take a handful a fine flour and oil from it, along with all its frankincense…”

Is Hugh serious about wanting to go on vacation for his birthday this year? That would be so fun…

And so it goes. My glorious time with the Lord this morning. Sort of.

The time where I entered the Presence of my King and heard from Him through His word. Sort of.

There is this constant push and pull in my relationship with the Lord. If I think that every morning prayer time should be glorious – I have set myself up for failure. If I think that every time of prayer must be insightful and life-changing, then I will probably stop making time for daily prayer – I would be discouraged when I read about Aaron’s wood piles in Leviticus and end up thinking about Kelly’s haircut and our family vacation.

When I am this distracted, I am learning to pray about it like this:

“You must present fresh heads of grain, crushed kernels, roasted on the fire, for your offering of firstfuits…blah blah blah….ahhhhhhhhh! God, I can’t concentrate on Your Word at ALL right now. Please come in this moment and fill me with your focus and a desire for your Word and for your Presence.”

And, most of the time, my desire and focus comes. The times that I still have extreme difficulty focusing on His Word and in prayer, I pick up a devotional book and read a few pages before picking up my giant coffee mug and heading out into my life.

Sort of?

Yet none of the time spent before His throne is wasted. Even the verses in Leviticus that I read half-heartedly this morning spoke to my heart and my day.

As I thought about the different types of offerings that the Israelites were required to bring before God to be clean, I reflected joyfully that I always have the privilege to come before Him just as I am – without any offering prepared. No grain, no bulls, no pile of wood on the altar. Nope – I can approach His throne with confidence to find grace to help in time of need because of Jesus.

Jesus – my offering.

There’s my truth for today: Jesus is my offering. Even when I am distracted, in a bad mood, can’t pray, yelled at my kids, have a messy house, hurt someone’s feelings…Jesus is my offering.

And tomorrow when I come to pray, hopefully with some more focus and passion, He will still be right before me, leading and guiding and loving on those days as well.

Lord, thank you for taking my distraction and my lack of focus and still speaking to me through Your Word. Thank you for teaching me to be “a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither” (Psalm 1). Jesus, thank you for being my offering, for providing a way, once and forever, for me to approach the throne of my God. I love you, Amen.