A Wide Open Place

“Those who say they can live in a state of prayer without stated times for prayer will probably find themselves without both.”

-Writer unknown, quote taken from my Devotional Bible

When I was pregnant with Lucy, I developed a rare medical condition that left me on bed rest for six long months. For the first several weeks in the bed, I spent most of my time watching HGTV and feeling guilty about all the dinners that people in my church were bringing me and my family.

But there is only so much HGTV one can watch.

Finally I put down the remote, and I made a conscious decision not to waste this time. Any energy I had (which wasn’t much) would be spent two ways: first, I would try to pour love on my two rambunctious toddlers who didn’t understand why I could not get up, and secondly, I would pray.

I put together a little basket of things and put it beside the bed. My Bible and (empty) prayer notebook went in the basket. So did a Bible study on the Tabernacle. So did the Tylenol and the Kleenex.

The next morning, I grabbed my basket and started talking to God. I began praying about all the emotions I was having about being on bed rest. I told the Lord my fear that my children would be permanently scarred by this pregnancy. I wept as I talked to Him about the overwhelming depression I had as I stared day after day at the same yellow walls of my bedroom.

“Heal me!” I cried, grabbing the Kleenex. “Please, God. I know that you can.”

His voice answered – the Voice we know from the first second we hear it – and spoke to my weepy heart.

“There are things I can teach you through this time, Jess. Things you can learn even if you are not healed.”

It took many more months of seeking Him daily to understand what He was whispering to me that day. God wanted to teach me to be sustained by His Presence, no matter what was happening in my life.

I wasn’t healed. I finished out six long months in my yellow room…but it no longer felt like a prison to me. Instead, I spent more and more time seeking His face, learning to be filled only with God, even when my body was failing me and my emotions were out of control.

The experience of being on extended bed rest and living with the chronic pain of my illness is something I would never want to go through again. Yet, as in all things God redeems, I learned something that made the pain worth it.

After six months of spending extended time with God every day, I developed a hunger for Him like I never had before in my life. I became accustomed to spending long periods of time in the Word, and even longer periods of praying. I began to learn what it means to live daily in His Presence, filled continually with His Word and His Holy Spirit.

It’s been three years since I left the bed, but this morning I was reminded of that time when I read in Psalm 18 that “He pulled me out of deep waters… the Lord was my support. He brought me out to a wide open place, He rescued me because He delighted in me.”

Now, with a healthy body and a full life, it’s a little harder to find the time to be in His Word. It takes effort to c-a-r-v-e out the time to sit and be still before my God and linger in His Presence.

But the lesson I learned in the dark continues to teach me, and I know now that I need Him deeply every day. Even if finding that time is difficult, it is worth the effort to get to that place.

The wide open place of His Presence… The place of His joy… The place of perfect peace and contentment. The place to which He takes His children because “He delights in them.”

And He whispers again each morning, “Jess, there are things I can teach you…”

Thank you for the things you teach in the dark, God. Thank you for redeeming even the hard times in my life to bring me closer to you. I want to know you more, Jesus – in every situation, in every moment, in every breath. Come and fill me this day with your Presence. In the name of Jesus, Amen.