I Swear
“And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring” (James 3:10-12, NLT).
The biggest immediate change that happened in my life when I became a Christian is that I stopped swearing. Instantly. I stopped walking around in my school uniform on the downtown streets of Seattle holding a double espresso letting every word imaginable fly out my mouth. Instead, the desire to swear left completely. It was one of the clearest tangible bits of evidence of the major change in my life. I was now a child of Jesus; here was some fruit.
I have been a Christian for almost sixteen years, and I have noticed something crappy. I might as well say crappy because that leads into my confession:
Somewhere over the last year, I’ve started swearing again. When I’m angry and can’t express it enough with “crap” and “darn”. When I feel frustrated and want to vent my explosive feelings.
The first time I really swore, I felt the strong conviction of the Holy Spirit. It’s like He was as surprised as I was at what flew out of my mouth. I repented half-heartedly later, more concerned with the situation I was angry about.
The next time I swore, I still felt the Holy Spirit speak to me about my words, but I ignored His voice. Again I was still more focused on the things I was upset about.
Then I started to reason with myself. (um… uh-oh.) Why can’t I swear every once in a while? I don’t do anything bad in my life at all… and I need some kind of an outlet. It’s not fair. I’ve cut out a lot of things in my life that I know influence my spirit negatively, things that harden my heart to the Lord…surely just this one little thing doesn’t matter. Besides, it feels good. Like people really listen to me when I swear.
As the months have gone on, it has become easier and easier for me to swear. Words come quickly that a year ago I would never have said. I am no longer shocked. I rarely hear from God about it.
Indeed, my heart is hard. And I only occasionally hear the faintest whisper from the Holy Spirit drift across my heart as I swear. “No, Jess, no,” He calls from across the great divide – a separation I’ve created in this area of my life.
Now I have some serious work to do. I need a soft, repentant heart. I need to be convicted about this sinful habit and ask God to please come in again and bring His conviction.
I’ve started. I’m praying for a soft heart in this area. I’m pausing before I speak when I’m mad. I’m remembering that He listens to me, and I don’t need to swear to have His attention. I’ve told the people close to me that I am working on this.
Enough of this blarney. (ooo! I’m doing better already!)
I don’t want to pursue the Lord in most areas of my life: I want Him in every area. And I don’t want to pick and choose the areas I will be convicted in. My heart must be totally open before Him if He is truly my Lord.
So, this day, Lord, come in fully with the conviction of your precious Holy Spirit. Forgive me for ignoring your voice. Forgive me for choosing sin and anger instead of turning to you for comfort and clarity. I ask that you would give me a completely soft heart before you. I want to be more like you, Jesus – because you are wonderful, and I love you. I want my life to reflect my passion for you. In the name of Jesus. Amen.
Love this! My favorite part was, “I don’t want to pursue the Lord in most areas of my life: I want Him in every area.” Thanks for being so honest!
I love this post and your honesty and realness and your confessing “one to another”.
I’m so happy to have found your blog through the giveaway! What a blessing.
M~
This post puts me in mind of a little thing I like to call S2 = Satan + Self. They are a powerful team. Satan is right there whispering in your ear, “Doesn’t that feel good? It’s only a little thing. It doesn’t say in the Bible not to use THAT word.” And before you know it, you have chosen to go down the wrong road. I love that you have stopped and asked God to be the leader. It is a great encouragement to me as well to see that people struggle with the same issues that I do, and provide an example of how to recognize it and then to properly and humbly deal with it. God bless you on your journey to allow Him all of you!
I, too, am so so thankful that I found your blog through the giveaway, because this is actually something I’ve been trying to work on. But I’ve been going about it all wrong! (What was I thinking!?!) I’m trying to do it on my own… “Forgive me for choosing sin and anger instead of TURNING TO YOU for comfort and clarity…” ahhh I love that! I need that!!! I never cursed, and I mean never- even as a teen. But the last 3 months (sadly, since my second son has been born!), I have started! They’ve been the most challenging times I’ve gone through yet. We had a rough start (for quite a few reasons), and I let my overwhelmed emotions and frustration get the best of me. Your honesty means so much- I’m so glad to know I’m not alone! When I hear the things that sometimes come out of my mouth it breaks my heart to pieces! (Mostly because I know there are little ears around, ugh,it’s like a stab in the heart!) Thank you for this post.
Wow, just what I needed to hear today, Jess. I have a real problem with this. When I am angry, mostly at the kids, I never swear at anyone else. Isn’t that just awful!! You know if I write it down, it seems all the more deplorable.
I’m with you on this one. I pray for you if you’ll do it for me. I need that little voice from the Holy Spirit saying, “No, Mary No!” Not just a little voice, I need a shout in my ear.
Thank you for being so honest about your struggles, many of us are struggling with the same things too.
fantastic post. i too find myself backsliding on the cursing from time to time. Thanks for the reminder that it is absolutely not okay…. and the encouragement to return to the sweet words that He provides for me whenever I need them.
i popped over here at judi’s suggestion. glad I did!
LOL! Need an outlet…
Classic! Aren’t we just like that?
God bless you as you repent of this sin.
Myself? I gave up smoking and barely looked back. Now, though, I’m just fat.