The Flood

“The floods washed away home and mill, all the poor man had in the world. But as he stood on the scene of his loss, after the water had subsided, brokenhearted and discouraged, he saw something shining in the bank which the waters had washed bare. ‘It looks like gold,’ he said.

It was gold.

The flood which has beggared him made him rich. So it is ofttimes in life.”

-H.C. Trumbell

Last night our church had an evening of praise and worship. I don’t write much about my church, and I think I sometimes take for granted the richness of the gift that God has given me in Elevation. I have never known such passion for Jesus in a church, such single-minded focus on the gospel. It is an honor to be a part of my local body of Christ.

And, oh, the Presence of the Lord was in that place. The sweetness of the Holy Spirit descended as song after song left the congregation and went right to the throne of God.

Near the end of the service, our Pastor invited people to come to the front of the church who needed a special touch from the Lord. He said that he felt like there were many people who had suffered a great disappointment or loss this past year and that it was time to lay it down before the Lord.

People began flooding out of their chairs, completely filling up the front of the church as well as the aisles. Kneeling and crying, they prayed. Our Pastor prayed. The Holy Spirit ministered.

And it took me a few minutes to realize something:

I didn’t need to go up to the front.

Every year of my adult life has been shaped by some sort of really hard situation, usually centering around the incredible dysfunction of my family. As a result, although I’ve loved Jesus and pressed into knowing Him more, I’ve lived with tremendous discouragement and depression. I’ve survived my life, hoping that one day my life would be a success if I made dinner and stopped having so many fears.

But God has done something powerful in my life this last year. When I made the choice a year and a half ago to fully surrender my life to Him, He did “more than I could ask or imagine”. I didn’t just stop surviving, I started living.

I gave Him everything and He gave me everything back…and then some. I gave up my mother…and He gave me a family. I gave up my childhood memories to Him…and He gave me peace and freedom from anxiety and control. I gave up my fears about being rejected…and He gave me a voice and a purpose.

I gave Him every pain, every disappointment, and every loss. He gave me Himself.

So this is the first year of my life that wasn’t defined by disappointment or loss. And I cried as I understood that He really is good to me. That His plan for my life is not to survive but to live radically in His Presence.

The floods in my life have revealed more of Him. Though the pain of loss has left me scarred, I have found Jesus on the other side. And now I can say with a full heart and full assurance:

In His Presence is fullness of joy.

Father, you have been good to me. I love you. I feel sometimes like that is all I can say. I am in awe of who you are. Amen.