The Heroes in the Land

 ”The godly people in the land are my true heroes!  I take pleasure in them!” (Psalm 16:3).

I have started this post seven times. Then I stop and delete all the words. “No,” I think to myself, “I haven’t gotten it right yet. I haven’t found the words yet. If only I could cry my emotions onto the screen and then click ‘publish’…”

And then I start again.

Here are some words and phrases from my week: insomnia, police, business trip, unlocked doors (big mistake. big, big, mistake.), and heaviness.

My week captured me, threw me up in the air, then spun me around about eighty times, leaving me reeling and hopeless by Friday.

I could feel myself slipping emotionally. My thoughts have centered more on how nice it would be to escape my life and less on trusting the One who holds my life together.

In the past, I have gone to battle by myself. I feel ashamed of my life and the issues surrounding it. My issues are so strange sometimes, and I don’t feel normal. I think we all feel that our problems are unique – and it keeps us isolated.

I decided not to choose isolation this week.

“Hi Precious Friends…” my email began - an email to eighteen people who I knew would lift me up to Jesus. “I need prayer. This is what is going on.” 

(Deep breath. Send.)

And this is why I have to keep rewriting this post – because I can’t find the words to describe their reponse. I didn’t understand how completely God could show up in the prayers and words and encouragement of my friends. That their immediate phone calls and emails and written prayers on my behalf were not just a nice gesture, but something spiritual. Something Holy. Something that changed my situation.

They prayed. They told me that God was bigger and God was in charge. Their words dripped with the essence of the Lord, and I felt my own strength renewed with each encouraging word. Each note, each prayer, each phone call felt like a personal touch from Jesus. And, of course, I cried.

I cried because He continues to be faithful every day of my life. When I feel like I don’t have the strength, He sends me people who do have the strength. When I feel like giving up, He sends me a word through His children. “Don’t give up, Jess,” they say. “Rise up and call on His name right now.”

I had to step out and choose to let people in. It felt extremely scary. But I have tried to walk alone, and it doesn’t work. I need the family of Jesus to pray for me when I get knocked down. I need their words and encouragement to be Jesus to me when I feel like I am in the dark.

Even though I can’t see them in the darkness, they are there. And if I ask, they will pray. And they will walk with me, shoulder to shoulder, higher and deeper and closer to Jesus.

Thank you, Lord, for your beautiful bride. Your church is amazing. Your children are gifts. Thank you for the privilege of being a part of your family. Continue to strip away my pride that tells me I don’t need people, and help me to ask for prayer when I need it. I love you, Jesus. Amen.