Up the Stairs
“May He send you help from His sanctuary and strengthen you…” (Psalm 20).
It has been a really long time since God has woken me up early to pray. But He did this morning. I had about two and a half more hours of sleep ahead of me when I woke up in my dark bedroom and knew I needed to spend some extended time in prayer.
This is how my relationship with Jesus looks practically. I worry sometimes that I am too transparent, but I so much want to share what He is doing in my life. And what He is doing today is waking me up.
Up the stairs, Starbucks House Blend in hand. I spent some time writing out Psalm 20 as the caffeine started to kick in.
“Lord, I am here.” I prayed, as I finished writing out the Psalm.
For the next ninety minutes God and I had a long conversation. We talked about Hugh being gone so much lately. We talked about my feelings of guilt and inadequecy. We talked about some relationships in my life that I needed to ask Him questions about.
And five pages later in my prayer journal, my heart was light. I felt free in a way that only happens when I push through my flesh and my mind and enter, finally, into the Holy of Holies.
To the place where He pours out His Presence.
The place where every question is answered, even if the answer is a simple “Trust”.
The place where darkness lifts and joy descends and my perspective once again becomes eternal.
The place where His Word becomes life on the page and I breathe in every syllable.
The place where I once again remember that my purpose is about loving Him - and that everything else flows out of that love.
The place where I stop striving, stop worrying, stop being angry, and start believing.
The place where His glory dwells.
Any day, Lord. Anytime, Lord. Wake me up, shake me up, stir me up…do whatever it takes in my life to cause me to live completely dependent on your Presence. In the name of your Son, Amen.
Thank you for that Jess. ((hugs))
First of all Jess, don’t ever stop being as transparent as you are. That is one thing I find so refreshing. I struggle with the same thing. My husband is a pastor and some of the members read my blog. I’ve been so transparent more than once I have felt like someone might print out my blog, take it church, and tell my husband to go somewhere else because his wife is an emotional, spiritual mess.
Speaking of being authentic, I really, really appreciate your comment on my “The Realness of Jesus” post. That was one I wanted to take down a few times because it showed too much of me. But, when I get a comment like yours saying it touched you, its all worth it!! Thanks for adding me to your blogroll. What a compliment!!
By the way, I’m a morning prayer, too. I LOVE that time of day before anyone is awake. Its like God and I are the only ones on the planet for that time. Its awesome!!