“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love” (1 John 4:18).
I am really not sure how I married such a great man. Not that Hugh wouldn’t be the first one to share his junk with you or tell you the amazing story of redemption in his own life - but he is still the gift from God to me that I am constantly surprised by.
Of course I forget this when I tap into the ol’ controlling-wife mode. I mean, I don’t want to control, at least I think I don’t. But if that’s true, then why do I punish him with my anger or tears for not doing what I want?
Yesterday I had asked for his help. He said (ARG!) he was tired but that he would be happy to help me tomorrow. Which unhealthy thing should I bring out…should I choose the anger? Or the crying? Hmmm.
I decided on anger. Anger is a bully. Anger tries to force others into doing what we want. Anger energizes me and tells me that I am important and I am right.
So I started into my angry bit. But something extremely unsettling happened for me.
It didn’t work this time.
He didn’t do what I wanted because I got mad. He sat me down and the couch and told me the following:
“I know you really want me to help you but I am not able to right now. And, you know, it’s okay with me that you are mad. I don’t want to be afraid of your anger or unhappiness. I don’t want to do things just because you are angry with me anymore. I want to love you better than that, Jess.”
Oh.
So, if anger doesn’t work, I should do….what?
I don’t know…maybe start laying my life down for him, too? Considering his needs more important than my own? I guess I could start with apologizing for my outburst and then asking God’s help the next time I believe the lie that anger ever gets me what I want.
That’s where I’ll start.
Lord, thank you that you forgive all my sins - even my anger. I love you so much! Thank you for helping me to learn to live a life characterized by your love and joy…and thank you for a husband who loves me enough to not let me dump on him. In the name of Your Son, Amen.
wow. Convicting stuff. I am so proud of you and Hugh and I couldnt love you guys more
Oh, I loved this line:
I decided on anger. Anger is a bully. Anger tries to force others into doing what we want. Anger energizes me and tells me that I am important and I am right.
SO, SO TRUE!!!
Thanks for the reminder for all of us not to choose anger but to ask for God’s help to make it through the rough patches!!