Coffee Talk

“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living” (Psalm 27).

My best friend and I went out for coffee last week. We love, love, love to do this – to get together without our children so we can actually listen to each other without interruption.

She began telling me about a conversation she had with an older woman from our church. I sat there, trying to listen, and then, right there in Caribou Coffee, I started to sob.

Pain can hit you so unexpectedly.

“Go on… no, I mean… I’m trying to be a better listener, please keep talking…” I said, while wiping my nose with a flimsy Caribou napkin as the tears continued to flow faster.

“Stop right now,” she gently commanded. “What’s going on for you?”

One of the biggest areas of pain that the Lord has set me free from is in my natural family. I had many, many fathers and a mother who, for many dark reasons, was unable to really care for me.

His faithfulness in leading me out of that family and healing my heart from the pain is one of the foundational reasons why I am so in love with Him. God healed me of such profound pain and hurt and depression that I want to live my life every day celebrating the reality that He lives and has given me His life.

So, why am I crying into my little napkin? I’ve learned that these moments still come. They creep up silently, and I feel a momentary ache as I remember how deeply it hurt to live out my childhood.

Being healed doesn’t mean that I don’t have those moments. Being healed means that those moments are rare and quickly accompanied by the truth of what God is doing in my life now. Then I turn to Him immediately in the pain and accept His grace and love in that moment.

I am seeing the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living. Every day.

Father, I waited for you and you came. I cried out to you and you answered. I begged to be filled and you came and filled me up with Your Presence. I live joyfully before you this day.