Not Quite Enough

One of my biggest struggles that I face as a Christian-my ongoing battle with guilt. It’s the guilt that tells me the same thing over and over. The guilt that whispers, “Not quite enough…not quite enough..not quite enough…”

I’m not doing quite enough as a mom. It’s not enough to stay at home full time, why am I not planning more trips to the library or baking cute cupcakes with my kids or playing more board games or painting more little toes pink or…?

I’m not doing quite enough as a wife. It’s not enough to daily pray for my husband, plan a marriage conference, and start date nights (Cheesecake Factory last Thursday-yum!). Why am I not up early making him lunch to take to work or respecting him in every situation or listening better about his job or…?

I’m not doing quite enough at church, with my friends, my lawn, or my closets. I should spend more time with my grandmother, reach more people for Jesus, and cook healthier meals.

I’m not doing enough. I, somehow, am not enough.

At times I feel hopeless about all the ways that I feel I am not measuring up. This results in me becoming less motivated to do the things I’m already doing. Other times I decide that I CAN do more, I MUST do more, and if I pray HARDER then God will show me (this time) how I can hyper-plan and control my life. This usually involves a giant calendar and a lot of index cards.

So here is my nugget (I wanted to have five to eight amazing points about how I am moving totally away from any guilt and here is how, but this is all I have): If I turn my heart to listen to the voice of my Lord, He says, “Slow down, Jess. You are letting the little things dominate you. You have expectations for yourself that I don’t have for you. Come and talk to me, Jess.”

Then the Lord talks to me about trust. Trust means I offer God each day and rely on Him to show me His plan for me for that day. His plan for me is not crowded. His plate for me is not too full. Maybe I won’t ever do all the things I think I”should” do, but I don’t need to spend time on things He’s not asking me to do.

His yoke is still easy.

Father, I put on Your yoke this day. Show me Your plans for me. I submit again to Your Lordship of my life and acknowledge that You are in control. I love you.